I noticed that Gei Halliwell has ‘written’ a children’s book (if you are of a nervous disposition you may wish to do something else, I noticed the news item yesterday and to avoid biting the side of my desk and smashing the phone over the back of my head until my teeth were off, I hit a zone of zen like calm that has now permitted me to deal with this matter on an adult and mature basis).
So. Ms Halliwell’s book, the one she’s written, is a children’s bok, I mean ‘book’ and it’s called (deep breath, ready? Fucking hell..)
Ugenia Lavender
Hang on
Right, sorry, just had to pop to the loo
Phew, right. In addition to this the 34 year old vacuous cunt ex Spice Girls has signed a SIX BOOK DEAL……………………
In other news for fucks sake, I’m not hungover, my sideboards are completely ridiculous, but I’m keeping them, and last night was… A SIX BOOK DEAL, SIX, SIX SIX… Lavendar Bluebell Peaches Trixibell Apple (Apple??? APPLE!!!!!!!!!!)… Jordan and her husband, former pop star Peter Andre, have named their baby daughter Princess Tiaamii. Tiaamii – pronounced tee-ah-me – is taken from the names of Andre’s mother Thea and Jordan’s mother Amy. Jordan explained to OK! magazine: “Her name is Princess Tiaamii. Princess because she is our princess and Tiaamii was Pete’s idea because it’s taken from our mums’ names. “We love it because it’s unique, plus it means something special to us. I’m going to get a tattoo on the back of my neck with a crown and ‘Princess’ underneath.”
uHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Aanisah: Macy Gray (also mother to Tahmel). Astrella Celeste: Donovan and Linda Lawrence (also parents to Oriole Nebula). Atherton Grace: Don Johnson and Kelley Phleger. Audio Science: Shannyn Sossamon. Aurelius Cy: Elle Macpherson and Arpad Busson. Blue Angel: U2′s The Edge and Aislinn O’Sullivan. Calico: Alice and Sheryl Cooper (also parents to Sonora Rose). Camera: Arthur Ashe and Jeanne Moutoussamy. Diezel Ky: Toni Braxton and Keri Lewis (also parents to Denim Cole). Fuchsia: Sting and Frances Tomelty. Gaia: Emma Thompson and Greg Wise. Gulliver: Gary Oldman and Donya Fiorentino. Heaven: Lil’ Mo (also mother to God’Iss Love Stone). Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily: Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence. Hopper: Sean Penn and Robin Wright. Ireland: Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger. Jaz: Steffi Graf and Andre Agassi. Jermajesty: Jermaine Jackson and Alejandra Genevieve Oaziaza (previously married to Jermaine’s brother Randy). Kal-El Coppola: Nicholas Cage (Kal-El is Superman’s original birth name). Kyd: David Duchovny and Tea Leoni. Lark Song: Mia Farrow and André Previn. Lennon: Liam Gallagher and Patsy Kensit. Liberty: Ryan Giggs. London Emilio: Slash. Luna Coco Patricia: Frank Lampard and Elen Rive. Marquise: 50 Cent. Memphis Eve: Bono. Moxie CrimeFighter: Penn Jillette (also father to Zolten). Ocean: Forest Whitaker (also father to Sonnet and True). Pilot Inspektor: Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf. Rocket: Robert Rodriguez (also father to Racer, Rebel and Rogue). Rufus Tiger: Roger Taylor also father to Tiger Lily and Lola Daisy. Saffron Sahara: Simon and Yasmin Le Bon (also parents to Amber Rose and Tallulah Pine). Sage Moonblood: Sylvester Stallone and Sasha Czack (also parents to Seargeoh). Satchel: Spike Lee and Tonya Lewis Lee. Seven Sirius: Andre Benjamin and Erykah Badu. Shiloh Nouvel: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Suri: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Tallulah: Bruce Willis and Demi Moore (also parents to Scout and Rumer). Willow Camille Reign: Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith. Zola Ivy: Eddie Murphy and Nicole Mitchell
April 29th, 2008 at 10:36 am
P’raps you’re being a bit harsh on Geri? Maybe her kid’s book’s really good? Have you thought of that? I don’t like to judge these things until I’ve read wot she’s done written. I’m reserving my judgement, is wot I’m doing, like.
April 29th, 2008 at 11:22 am
You can’t get away with just writing a list. Or, even worse, cutting and pasting it. You lazy twat.
April 29th, 2008 at 11:22 am
And if you are going to post a list, at least make it legible, or I’ll cut your balls off.
April 29th, 2008 at 11:27 am
I bet Geri wouldn’t cut and paste a list like that.
April 29th, 2008 at 11:28 am
No – she’s a proper (paid) writer. Good point, Louche.
April 29th, 2008 at 11:31 am
I agree with Swineshead on the subject of Geri being a good writer. Though I would take issue with his appalling rudeness towards Piqued, which was unecessary. We should all make an effort to get along. That’s what Jesus would do, and that’s what we should do too.
April 29th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I was genuinely furious, sorry everyone, sorry Geri
April 29th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
‘Ugenia’ sounds like a bladder infection: ‘lavender’ a word for lady-parts. Effectively, she’s ‘written’ a load of old fanny.
Us girls can fight amongst ourselves; I can take that ginger bitch any day.
April 29th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
My money is on you Clair
Now make it happen…
April 29th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
I think Clair’s being unfair to Ms. Halliwell. The elderly have a right to publish books without being attacked by youngsters, you know?
April 29th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Ugenia is an African girl’s name. I used to know a girl called Eugenia. With an ‘e’.
April 29th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
In Halliwell’s ‘book’ it’s spelt ‘Ugenia’ and the the character is depicted as a pale red head with big blue eyes… that doesn’t scream ‘Africa’ to me, yeah.
It actual makes me feel physically ill
April 29th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Gosh what a bunch of angry people. Surely there are more important things to rant about. I sense ginger jealousy.
April 29th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
No, there’s nothing more important than this Anonymous, Darfur, Iraq, Afghanistan, global warming, economy meltdown…
Nothing.
Now fuck off
April 29th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Hark, was that the sound of one Johannes Gutenberg turning in his grave?! The father of the printed word, if only he could have foreseen that his great invention would come to this…THIS, Ginger Spice writing a book. He wouldn’t have freaking bothered!
April 29th, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Is that really the best you can do Piqued? I thought you were supposed to be witty…
April 29th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
If Geri’s not to you r taste, how about this?
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Passion-Fashion-Coleen-Style-Queen/dp/0007277393/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1209483751&sr=1-5
Shortly to appear on a Booker Prize shortlist near you someday soon.
April 29th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
I suppose poor old geri could be worse off, she could have a beard and spend all day on the internet…
April 29th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Anonymous is not only so weak they can’t afford a pseudonym, they’re also not very funny.
April 30th, 2008 at 2:36 am
A children’s book about a eugenically engineered child? Excellent.
Yours,
H. Goebbels.
April 30th, 2008 at 9:12 am
Anon, either post with a name or I’ll have you killed
April 30th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Is there about to be a-killing on this blog? At last, something that will amuse a black hearted fiend like myself!