merriweather

It was so hot in the office yesterday I’m sure one of my testicles partially melted. It’s bad enough having to go to work at the best of times but when the weather is actually inviting one to get on board a motorcycle and head to the coast to eat ice cream and dodge dog turds on pebbles as the cold grey sea chews at the shoreline it’s a bit much, frankly.

To make matters worse business is slower than a special needs child learning quantum physics, which makes the day seem a billion times longer than it actually is. To add insult to fucking injury the tool that was supposed to be buying my van blew me out (again) and has ballsed up my evening already. And it’s not even 10am yet.

Still, mustn’t complain. I did get to hook up with IC and Frank in the beer garden at the local last night before the former and I popped back to the flat for some hard core kitchen chat with mackerel salad on the side. I’m on a roll with mackerel at the moment, I can’t seem to get enough of it, I’ve even bought some in little tins in tomato sauce so I may smear it ‘pon toast for my fucking tea.

I’d like to take brief umbrage with the BBC’s weather forecasting, briefly. It’s a racist slur and a damn lie that the British are obsessed with the weather, and have wonky teeth, so I’m not going to bang on about this too much, save to say this.

It’s taken me a few months to work this out but on the BBC website the ‘today’s weather’ is always as seen in the sky at any given moment and whatever the forecast is for the following day it’s guaranteed almost 100% to be completely wrong.

According to yesterday’s website it was supposed to be pissing down with rain, yet when you look at it today it’s all sunny and lovely. The bloody cheats. Any cunt can do that; I mean what is the point of forecasting the weather inaccurately if you’re only going to just look up in the sky and change to suit your vicious needs.

If it does rain later all of a sudden the ‘today’s forecast’ will inform me it’s raining. Yet it’s just informed me its hot and sunny. With this in mind and knowing they are completely fucking useless they usually default to forecasting ‘all weather’. The logo with a dark cloud, some rain and a bunch of fucking sunshine coming out the top. What the hell is that?! For fucks sake…

I need to make an appointment at the dentist later.