Fucking Nat West. Since the blackmail incident when I was a student -I told the manager that, unless he gave me £50, now, I wouldn’t pay my student loan into my account the following week, of course he gave me the £50 after suggesting he could actually call the police as I was technically blackmailing him…I invited him to do that also but reminded him that it’d just be easier if he gave me the £50 fucking quid and not have to deal with the hassle of trying to reclaim the funds, which I assured him I wouldn’t pay, and he’d have to go through all the legal tooing and froing of taking an impoverished and possibly criminal student to court for the sake of a few pounds- they’ve been quite good.
Essentially I picked up the wrong chequebook to pay a credit card bill. I use a cheque once a month for this purpose and it just so happened I accidentally picked up the chequebook for an account I never, ever use. Of course, there are no funds in it so they charge me £38 fucking green queens for it’s being bounced. Thirty-Eight! I am contesting this fee on the basis that, as I never use the account and the same amount of money goes to the same source every fucking month they are responsible of alerting me when strange activity occurs in the account I never fucking use, they have a duty of care for fraudulent behaviour so someone would’ve noticed that, suddenly, an amount of money, the same fucking amount of money paid every cunting fucking month from the account I always use to the same source, but from a dormant account, was a bit ‘odd’.
They then said they’d call me after I initially complained, they didn’t, I just get a standard letter informing me they’d tried to call me, which is an out and out lie. I’ve been in the office for the past 2 days and my staff were alerted to the fact I was expecting a call, and they’d looked into the matter, the matter I’d not even fucking explained yet, and that they were charging me Thirty Eight fucking quid.
Here is transcript of the conversation. (Please note recipient of this call had a Yorkshire accent, this in itself is divisive as it’s reckoned that this particular regional accent is regarded as the most ‘friendly’. I agree actually. I digress)
“Good Morning Na…”
“Manager, now please”
“Can I as…”
“Piqued, *insert account number here*. Manager. Now”
*silence*
“Hello, Mr…”
“You the Manager?”
“No, sir, I’m the …”
“Manager please…”
“The Manager is…”
“…dead, is he? Unless he is I want him on the phone, now”
“There is no need for that sort…”
“Yes there fucking is, you charging me…”
*click. brrrrrrrrrr*
I can’t be fucked to call back, I’ll write a stinking letter and attempt blackmail again, they make enough money from me as it is, I’ve no intention of paying the fee, if I have to transfer funds to a new bank I’ll ensure that I’ll leave them £38 in arrears and they can take it up with the beak.
Right, the Friday list and a chewn (sort of, watch it to the end, makes me feel a certain degree of warmth for the English bobby) and a desire that you have splendid weekends.
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July 18, 2008 at 11:07 am |
Did my reminder inspire the Dwarves thing? Give a man some credit…
July 18, 2008 at 11:44 am |
Didn’t cross my mind actually… now you mention it, probably did
July 18, 2008 at 11:51 am |
Did it cross your mind actually? Now I mention it, it probably did.
July 18, 2008 at 12:05 pm |
Yes, probably
You got a light?
July 18, 2008 at 12:07 pm |
My nose is running.
July 18, 2008 at 12:51 pm |
great story, i hope it’s true. i never did anything like that as a student although i did once grab the microphone they use for making tannoy announcements in Asda and shout “anarchy!”
July 18, 2008 at 1:24 pm |
It’s 100% true Jon, all of the crap I write is. Life is fucking dull
July 18, 2008 at 3:49 pm |
Serves you right, I reckon. If you’d bothered to look which cheque book you were using, you wouldn’t be £38 down now. Seeing as you didn’t, it’s hardly the bank’s fault, is it? No, thieving bastards like you need sticking in the stocks for this sort of behaviour. Try worming out of paying what you owe when one of your beloved butternut squashes (a vile vegetable, by the way) breaks that precious conk of yours. SWINDLER!
July 18, 2008 at 3:59 pm |
I fucking hate butternut squash as it goes, it’s as bad as celery if you ask me.
Go on, ask me.
As for the bank, when you’re eventually allowed to open an account you’ll see how awful they can be.
July 18, 2008 at 4:11 pm |
I don’t need to open an account to owe money on one, as it ‘appens. I’ve learned from bitter experience that all you need to do is share the same name as someone who does owe money on one. We all owe it then, all of us.