dietell

It’s been business hell, utter fucking hell. Don’t get me wrong, it’s far from over, which is just fantastic isn’t it, I mean it’s not as if it’s fucking roasting hot in the office and the air has turned into porridge.

Making things psychotically worse is there is this girl in here who is on a ‘diet’. I don’t know what literature she’s been reading but either she’s got the wrong end of the stick or it was penned by a WWF wrestler. Yesterday she went up to a colleague in order to castigate her for the sugar content of a fucking watermelon before making her 12th trip to the microwave, which seems to involve lots of desperate acetate-pricking and beeping, stinking up the whole fucking office with a ‘weight watchers’ Meat Bastard just as we’ve got over the last low-calorie derived pong, and repeating the process from scratch minutes after the last of the meal plops into her seething guts.

On her desk are a range of dietary-based snacks, essentially, cakes, crisps and biscuits. Forgive me if I’m wrong but if a slice of carrot cake has 2.5 grams of fat eating 7 boxes of them sort of reverses the good you’re doing? Or is it just me.

The office perpetually fucking stinks and if it carries on much longer I’m going to snap. If you see a headline along the lines of ‘MAN SMASHES OVEN INTO CO-WORKERS CUNT’ then it could be yours truly, the bitter, sweating author of this very muck you’re reading. A TESTICLE FOR AIR CON…

But aside from this I’m again in splendid cheer. It’s Friday, I have a splendid weekend ahead lined up with IC and I’m delighted to present both the Friday list and another popular song that Swineshead reminded me of yesterday.

Cheerio all.

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