Mowtee fayl

I got the call from the garage at about the time I was getting dick-twitch at the thought of swinging my leg over the Black One and burning off the shiny skin of fresh, black, sticky rubber. It’s somewhat of a ritual when we have a new rear tyre, before I get her onto the fast bits, I hold her front brake, give her some berries and deploy the clutch, slowly, until her arse lights up, white smoke, noise… stop. Then off we fuck, free again.

The ‘phone call forced me into my office chair as if being given terrible news about a genital carcinogen, The Black Bitch had failed, she’d failed. Failed.

I’ve had her for 10 years and this had never happened, yes, we’d some close shaves but nothing like an outright ‘the government prevents me from giving her back to you (ha ha ha, you cunt).’ An additional exchange of monies in lieu of a bloody brake cylinder and some sort of labour intensive fussing with her headlights, her pert, firm headlights, was mentioned. This was going to cost me what I could ill afford at present. Fucking great.

As I thump this shit out I await an update on progress, if the brake cylinder doesn’t arrive today it may not be until early next week when we see each other, a prospect too awful to bear, especially with what’s planned for the weekend, or not as the case may now be.

So I shall consol myself with the guts of Gerry’s chart, a tune from therein and consol myself with altruism in the form of a fervent desire that your weekends are merry. Now piss off and leave me alone.

NO. ARTIST SONG TITLE LAST WEEK WEEKS ON
30 Hockey Learn To Lose NE 1
29 La Roux Bulletproof NE 1
28 You Me At Six Finders Keepers 29 2
27 Doves Kingdom Of Rust 24 14
26 Middle Class Rut I Guess You Could Say 19 6
25 Shinedown Second Chance NE 1
24 Scott Matthews Fractured NE 1
23 Five Finger Death Punch The Bleeding 17 10
22 Passion Pit The Reeling 27 2
21 Hollywood Undead Undead 15 7
20 Steel Panther Death To All But Metal NE 1
19 Pink Please Don’t Leave Me 14 8
18 The Maccabees Love You Better 13 5
17 Friendly Fires Jump In The Pool 20 3
16 The Horrors Who Can Say 12 4
15 Graham Coxon Sorrow’s Army 22 2
14 Depeche Mode Wrong 8 11
13 Blue October Dirt Room NE 1
12 Marmaduke Duke Rubber Lover 9 6
11 Twisted Wheel We Are Us 6 8
10 Enter Shikari Juggernauts 18 2
9 Empire Of The Sun We Are The People 16 3
8 Maximo Park The Kids Are Sick Again 3 7
7 Absent Elk Sun And Water 10 3
6 Kasabian Fire 5 5
5 Marilyn Manson Arma…Geddon 7 4
4 Prodigy Warrior’s Dance 4 6
3 The Gossip Heavy Cross 11 3
2 Placebo For What It’s Worth 2 4
1 Gallows The Vulture (Act 2) 1 7