On the way home from work I stopped by Sainsbury to use the Coinstar, a machine that converts coins (for a small fee) into a cash voucher. Of course, the fucker wasn’t working and I was just about to walk off to get the passport photo done when a little old lady, very slowly pushing her shopper, stopped and produced a small purse of coins.
“It’s not working,” I said.
“Pardon?”
“It’s out of order, dear.”
“I know, they’re very good aren’t they.”
“Yes, but it’s not working.”
“Saves me having to count them.”
“It’s not working!”
“What?”
“It’s out of order! Broken! Look…” I pointed at the ‘out of order’ sign that she peered at for a few seconds.
“Oh. Fuck.” She said.
After composing myself I went into the photo booth. Obviously it’s been a decade since I used one so I wasn’t expecting all the fucking pre-amble. First a short lecture about not smiling, sitting at an angle, wearing a ski mask etc., a little graphic appeared to show EXACTLY where my face and eyes were to go. I adjusted the seat but found I had to lean into the frame to suit the pedantic requirements of the passport office before this awful countdown to the shoot began. ‘Are you ready? Any second now, 5,4…’ I began to madly blink in case I accidentally blinked when the final moment came, 3, 2, 1/blink. Fuck! I was permitted to reject the image before it was printed, which I duly did, and then the countdown began again …3, 2, 1/blink. FUCK!!
This happened a further two more times, it was a hot day, I was stressed, uncomfortable and late. The resulting photograph resembling an aggrieved Ned Kelly with a hunch is a guaranteed finger up the nick next time I travel abroad. Jolly good show.
I took the tube and bus to Swineshead’s gaff for about 8. We spent a happy few hours smoking and chatting as I gingerly consumed two bottles of the redoubtable Speckled Hen. At 11-ish I was exhausted and made my way to IC’s flat about 10 mins walk up the road. I walked in and there were 4 girls (IC, Mary, Jo and Swineshead’s missus) sat in the kitchen with wine enthusiastically discussing the protests in Iran with regard to the expulsion of diplomats and completely shattering my illusion that girls only talk about shopping, diets and cock.
Another day in the office…
