borix

That bumbling blonde bastard Boris, the London hog’s Eye, fascist twit and all round fatso in nice guy clothes has come up with a another fucking gem, and clearly that’s sarcasm living and breathing in a universe of hyperbole.

His first act of wilful stupidity was to allow bikers in the bus lane… believe it or not I was actually against allowing bikers in the bus lane because bus lanes are, a. full of potholes and diesel and all round visceral blood spurting danger, and, b. I didn’t want loads of mopeds and couriers getting in my fucking way as I used them all the time from the off (though even I will admit it’s a lot easier these days to take large swathes of journey out by lawfully (as opposed to the old days of wobbling into the lane ‘accidentally’) screaming through them.) On the two occasions I did get pulled by the police I produced my registration document and pointed out that I was classified as a ‘bicycle,’ quite literally, and was therefore entitled to use them which led to head scratching on the part of the officer and my getting ‘let off’ without so much as a caution.

I digress.

I should also imagine that allowing bikers in the bus lane has led to a rise in fatalities/accidents though I’ve absolutely no proof to corroborate this and proving it would be contentious anyway because of the circumstantial factors involved via the nature of stop/starting busses, wandering pedestrians, left turning vehicles, et cetera.

But to allow cyclist to jump red lights, his latest wheeze, displays the sense found in an act of autosarcophagy. For a kick off this is a u-turn as in May 2008 it was reported, after getting caught jumping red lights, that, “Boris feels strongly that cyclists should not jump red lights and if he did so then clearly that was a mistake and he will be more careful in future.”

I know, of course, that Boris isn’t giving the green light for cyclists to jump red lights with impunity; it’s only left hand turns at junctions. And don’t get me wrong, in theory it’s a fine idea. The problem is thus; some cyclists will see the new incentive precisely as a license to jump red lights with impunity, it’s not as if the problem is bad enough as it currently stands.

This very morning a moustachioed Shoreditch type cheerfully jumped red light after red light after my nearly hitting him as I was turning right onto Hackney Road (he jumped the light, of course). In every instance he nearly collided with a car, or more pertinently a pedestrian, the prick. Admittedly, less than a fifth (in my experience) of cyclists cynically jump red lights and my grief is only with this bunch, but as soon as this new policy comes into practice, based on the tried and tested give ‘em an inch theory, that figure will double overnight. It’s one thing for the right-on (tax exempt) cyclist to harp on cheerlessly about their being some sort of champions of the planet and saviours of congestion but what about the humble, wholly innocent, pedestrian who are directly effected by this fucking silliness?

As implied, the majority of cyclists just want to sensibly get to work without some socio-political agenda and happily obey the laws that govern roads, but I’ve noticed a growing hardcore of cyclist that behave as if they own the fucking place. Some even have the bloody mindedness to stop right in front of me at the lights when their passage is blocked by a swathe of crossing traffic; they’ve nothing to gain save preventing me from accessing the road ahead. I can do 0-60 in 3 seconds and it takes the average bike 30 seconds to reach 15. Do you think these types are going to give a fuck for a pedestrian lawfully trying to cross the road before being pole axed from the right by a left-turning holier-than-thou tit on a single-geared carbon-fibre velocipede? And if cyclists can go left on a red, why can’t I? Why can’t we all? The ones that pay tax to pay for the fucking roads in the first place.

I would like to point out IC cycles through the city everyday, I’ve followed her in a few times and she always stops at red lights, and she’s kind to small animals.

Still no news on the fucking flat. But I have Slayer to guide me… this isn’t for the sensitive.