weded

After a morning at work in which nothing happened, I set off at midday to catch the train. I had cunningly planned to meet IC at Wimbledon station; she was coming from Waterloo and had arranged to alight the first carriage at exactly 1.06 where she was waiting, suitably suited, booted and looking right nice.

We carried on to Walton and took a cab to the registry office in Weybridge where a nervous but contained Gerry was greeting guests. We were ushered into the registry office and the bride followed in a fluff of bridesmaids and eager relations and the ceremony commenced. I rather like registry weddings, they’re usually a lot more light-hearted and jovial than the church-based counterpart and this was no exception, in addition there is no messing about, in and out in 20 mins, bosh.

The weather for a late September was exemplarily, more like a summers day in July, warm, clear and sunny, they couldn’t have planned it better. After some photos of the delighted pair and their family in the landscaped garden we popped off to a nearby Italian for lunch, the whole restaurant had been reserved for the guests, 30 or so of us. As their wasn’t a surfeit of revellers the group was tight and in excellent cheer, bonding was a breeze and as the wine flowed in earnest it became an exercise in simplicity. Food happened, I ate a pizza the size of Land Rover wheel and IC wrestled with sea bass, delicious. Following restrained and at time emotional speeches we drank up and popped back to Gerry’s gaff for more celebrations.

As night fell the guests started to drift and we felt that we too should leave the cheery couple to their own devices. An incident on the train on the way home, which resulted in IC getting a little telling-off from a disembodied voice, made for a most amusing journey home and by 9.30 we were back the Twatcave happy and in control of our faculties. What a lovely day, well, from the time I left the office at least… Having catastrophic problems with the flat, I’m putting it back on the market with an extra few grand on it. Hopefully I can re-coup the money I’ve lost and will continue to lose by getting more for it second time round, I’m not holding my breath. Devastating.

Last few days of the Black Bitch and I too, she’s going to be permanently off road from Wednesday evening, I should get a few quid for her when she’s sold but it’s a drop in the ocean in comparison to the money I’m losing, FOR CHRISSAKES.

Sorry.

Anyway, on the ride in this morning a car pulled across me without indicating, of course I beeped the horn and for good measure revved my engine churning the air into a cacophony a dirty grindcore. I overtook the car, flipped the bird as they say in that America when, instead of the usual cowering, the driver, now behind, flashed her lights, blue ones that go ‘wooooo, wooooo’. My heart sunk to my toenails.

A few yards ahead the lights turned red so I stopped, turned round and faced the uniformed bint who look like she’d been hit with a poisoned bladder. Feeling vindicated by the fact she’d nearly knocked me under a bus I gestured to her that she might want to use indicators, she in turn referred to my erect digit and then mouthed that I was going too fast and to ‘slow down,’ I again gestured to her indicators before realising this was futile so I turned my back on her and gave her a ‘meh’ wave wholly expecting her roof to light up just before getting pinched for something… The fact that nothing happened would suggest I was in the right, and I wasn’t speeding anyway, much.

Chart, choon… Congrats to Gerry again, marvellous day

I’m meeting my new niece on Sunday and the rest of the weekend is given over to a solid diary of activity, which may or may not be posted Monday depending on my mental state.

NO. ARTIST SONG TITLE LAST WEEK WEEKS ON
30 Kasabian Where Did All The Love Go? 20 10
29 All Time Low Weightless 30 2
28 Hockey Song Away 24 3
27 Echo And The Bunnymen Think I Need It Too NE 1
26 The Prodigy Take Me To The Hospital 17 9
25 Steel Panther Community Property 28 2
24 The Used Blood On My Hands 19 6
23 The Gossip Love Long Distance 16 5
22 You Me At Six Kiss And Tell 22 3
21 Weezer (If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To. NE 1
20 The Cribs Cheat On Me 15 7
19 Bat For Lashes Sleep Alone 25 2
18 Arctic Monkeys Crying Lightning 14 11
17 Mumford And Sons Little Lion Man 27 2
16 Gallows I Dread The Night 11 6
15 Deadmau5 Ft Rob Swire Ghosts N’ Stuff 21 2
14 Muse Uprising 10 8
13 Funeral For A Friend Wrench 13 4
12 Pearl Jam The Fixer 8 7
11 Rammstein Pussy NE 1
10 Placebo The Never-Ending Why 9 8
9 Five Finger Death Punch Hard To See 18 2
8 Lostprophets It’s Not The End Of The World… 12 3
7 Paramore Ignorance 6 6
6 Ian Brown Stellify 5 5
5 The Temper Trap Sweet Disposition 7 7
4 Biffy Clyro That Golden Rule 3 10
3 The xx Crystallized 4 5
2 Skunk Anansie Because Of You 1 6
1 Editors Papillon 2 3