Lemmy-faced Jordan, reals nayms Katie Prick, the tabloid prostitute with breasts made of non-biodegradable synthetic rubber, is going to be making a second appearance on ‘My Career has taken a Nose Dive, Let me Humiliate Myself in a Heavily Guarded Australian Jungle-Studio Type Thing For Fiscal Gain.’ According to the screeching red-tops some cunt has decided she’s worth paying over 5 times the salary the other poor witless-fucks are getting, despite the fact she’s not in it from the outset as she’s in LA having her huge fanny rebuilt from Whale spleen, or something.
Anyway, in the midst of her perpetual monotone life-interview with anything bearing a conduit to an audience of over 3, the humourless tit drone claims she’s been getting a bit of bad press of late and wanted to get paid the fortunes of Croesus in order to show the ‘world’ (i.e., the sort of people who watch IACGMOOH, Boneless-Bucket types, essentially) the real her. She’s leaving her children motherless for a month by the way. What? Oh, nothing.
The oil warning graphic on the bike, on further investigation, isn’t an oil warning light at all, it’s a ‘coo-eee, Piqued, I need an oil change,’ which I know already (this is why I’ve my 600mile service booked in next week already, as said, I know my shit, yeah.) I was rather taken a back when I discovered this, the Husqvarna SM610 is quite an agricultural machine when all is said and done, for it to inform me that it needs an oil change is rather like a country bumpkin making an appointment for a colonic. Bottom line is that I’m no longer worrying about Brutta and have been enjoying her tremendously. She’s definitely loosening up as the engine runs-in and after the service next weekend when the restrictor comes off she’s going to be proper mental…Yeah.
But things aren’t all good. I spoke candidly to my estate agent yesterday; my buyer can’t get the mortgage sorted in time. Looks like I’ll have to go through all this flat selling shit again. I suppose I shouldn’t be too pissed off, I stand to gain in the long run but my (albeit tenuous) link with that potty I used to live over remains intact. I just want to send some turds over to him in the post, that’s all, is that too much to ask?
On a lighter note though, it’s IC birthday today. Tonight I’m taking her out and tomorrow we’ve the day off to cavort about town willy-nilly. Happy Birthday IC. Legal at last.
Tune in on Monday to see how things turned out. If you want to of course. No pressure.
Whilst this may not be IC’s sort of thing it’s quite a big deal this, and sort of ties in with yesterdays post…
November 12th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Found this too… Christ!
November 12th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Very funny Mr P. Expecially the bit about Jordan’s huge fanny. One would have thought there’d be limited comedy mileage in discussing the overused rancid spunk bucket, but apparently not. Don’t worry about her kids though. I’m sure they don’t like it when mummy’s away but they’re very good and understand what mummy does for a living and we’ll all be happy to see eachother afterwards, or something.
Are they giving IC the day off school then for her to cavort with your willy or whatever it was you said?
November 12th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Yes, both IC and I have the day off to Nilly
As far as Jordan (reel nim Kt Prys) is concerned there will never be enough road!
November 12th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
“he’s in LA having her huge fanny rebuilt from Whale spleen, or something”
I have just let Greenpeace know. Expect an action in the vicinity any day now!