I got the deposit of the dead-flat sale in my account, at last, I’m back to square one and despite the odd outstanding debt I’m solvent to a certain degree. My estate agent has already been on the phone regarding the sale of that Sword-of-Damocles property that lolls in loathing over that Perianal Hematoma. I’ve a viewing lined up already; two in fact, oh please sweet sigh of nature, this time rid me of my bad fortune. Wash me clean of Cunt.
The money was supposed to arrive yesterday and when it didn’t I became rightly paranoid, I mean it’s not as if I’ve been fucked from here to Timbuktu with regard to the whole sorry mess. Nonetheless, I rode home swiftly last night, nearly offing myself in the process after a misjudged bit of overtaking which caused the bike to stand-up on its front end, to enter a tight schedule involving the purchasing and preparation of food for dinner with Swineshead, the redoubtable writer/editor of Watch With Mothers (link right as usual.)
At 8 SH turned up and we prepared ourselves in earnest for the 3D stuff proffered by Channel 4 by shoving a load of Spaghetti Bolognaise into our maws. The pile of food landed on my empty stomach pushing out a load of farts. The 3D stuff began at 9, by 9.05 after 5 eye-watering minutes of watching the Queen gallivanting about my right eye was leaking out of its socket and I had a pain down the side of my face. I’m not sure if this was down to the rather clumsy 3D or the fart air.
SH was in a similar boat, though we made it through that and Darren Brown who followed. At times it worked very well but for the most part it was a fucking mess of naff psychedelia. Largely it was a very disappointing affair but we found ourselves sniggering through out. I think we were whacked from methane.
I’ve a lot of things to do as a result of the long awaited injection of cash. After this I’ve a bunch of cheques to send out and at lunch a personal visit to the fucking Halifax to kill off a loan I took out eons ago. It’s been bleeding me dry for years and now is the time to kill it stone dead. After all this I’ll still have nothing to show for the past horrific months, though at last I’m coming out of the mire of debt incurred by my being pissed about… Still, can’t really complain too much. I’m certainly better off than my idiotic ex-buyer.
Enjoy this won’t you.
November 17th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
“After all this I’ll still have nothing to show for the past horrific months, though at last I’m coming out of the mire of debt incurred by my being pissed about …”
Not entirely accurate, of course. You’ve again forgotten about the large amount of money you pissed up the wall.
Best to remind your eight readers of this before they again shower you with undeserved sympathy, you blind twerp.
November 17th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
That’ll be the large amount of money I squandered on having both mortgage, rent, two sets of bills and council tax, then.
Tip, try and read all the words in front of you instead of the odd few you understand, though I’ll accept my eyesight isn’t fantastic. You can have that with impunity.
(just before you bother, granddad left me money with instruction it wasn’t used on debts, that’s ‘not for use on debts’ or if you will ‘don’t use on debts’ and finally ‘this isn’t for debts.’)
November 17th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Splendid choice of track.
*wigs out a bit*
November 17th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Is now a bad time to remind you of the £15,999 I lent you at Camberwell?
November 17th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Too late old son, I spent the lot already, paid off most of my loans…
and tomorrow you can look forward to the upshot of the call my estate agent made to me with my ex-buyer howling in the background for the love of mercy
November 17th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
Lorks o’ norks. I await with baited breath…
Shame about the dosh. I’ll have to tell my wife she can’t have the 17,000 items she wanted for Christmas from the poundshop.
November 21st, 2009 at 3:40 am
Yeah, but as I said, you could have used your grandad’s money to pay off debts regardless of his dying wishes. Instead, you pissed it up the wall (see my previous comment).
Do you know how money works?