spamz

I’ve been working like a dog at work, well, comparatively. For the first time in a decade I’m required to seek out new business as opposed to dealing with it as and when it rolls in. I’ve never known it to be so quiet if I’m honest, it’s a little worrying. Maybe I should just jack all this in and re-train as a funeral director, no shortage of work there and I reckon it’d be a right laugh. Death! Ho ho huuuurghhhh.

In many respects yesterday was a non-entity, my journey home was a delightful experience, on arrival Brutta was covered up and I walked inside the Twatcave and bolted the door with every intention of it remaining so until the following morning. Once in nothing significant occurred, I fiddled with the settings on the PS3 and the TV and prepared dinner that included, alongside with Piqued’s Sensational Spudz, ‘greens’.

I’ve not had ‘greens’ since I was at school, I remember them as a pile of wettish green cabbage-like stuff and despite their being boiled half to death I used to secretly like them. I say ‘secretly,’ they were universally despised among my peers so being the lilly livered little git I was, I pretended I hated it too, along with (ironically) liver and spam fritters, the latter were so good I gave up all pretence of my hating them and discovered I was actually respected for my independent thinking, or maybe it was that I was prepared to exchange the loathsome jam roly poly for the fritters. Everyone liked jam roly poly, I thought it was fucking horrific to the point of being sick in the very bowl I’d just eaten them out of one dismal infant school lunchtime.

The greens were steamed for 10 mins and plopped into a frying pan that contained small strips of bacon and tossed all about with small knob of butter. They were heavily seasoned and eaten with the Spudz in a crazed flurry of mastication in front of Wallander which I’d made happen on the TV via the PS3. Fuck they were good.

Inspired by nostalgic eating I found an old recipe for Spam Fritters on the Internet. It’s my duty to give them a shot in order to consolidate my childhood memory of them as a fully realised adult. They’re not what one thinks of as ‘healthy’ and I should imagine they’d have been deep-fried in lard back in the day making them positively lethal, but it has to be done.

My recipe research also answered some more fundamental questions about Spam such as what is it? Well, according to Wikipedia, Spam is the acronym of ‘Shoulder of Pork and Ham’ and was invented in 1937 by the Hormel Food Corporation in Minnesota. This is why during the Second World War the British acronym for Spam was ‘Specially Processed American Meats’ (though this may have been a facetious backronym.) Indeed, Spam Fritters are a throwback to this era when fish was in short supply and the traditionally uninspired British folk wanted something to eat with their chips and mushy peas.

Christ I’m bored.